Unicyclist flashes past
A naked man riding a unicycle over a bridge has been arrested by police in Texas. A spokesman for police in Kemah, near Houston, said: “Obviously the suspect wasn’t armed. That we could tell.”
Here’s a tip for nudists in Vienna – don’t leave your clothes in the car. Sunbathers were left stranded when police towed away 57 cars parked illegally near a naked bathing area by the Danube. “As some of the bathers noticed the cars being towed,” reported the Austrian Times website, “they rushed to beg for their clothes but they were too late.”
Lender sees cents
Thomas Daigle, an optician, has paid off his mortgage – using 62,000 one-cent coins. He delivered two boxes to the steps of the Milford Federal Savings and Loan Association in Milford, Massachusetts, after collecting pennies since first taking out the mortgage 35 years ago. “Pennies add up,” said Daigle. “I was just praying I didn’t die first.”
Nathan Hill’s fiancée is udderly mad about cows, so there was only one way to pop the question – pin a proposal on a heifer. The 26-year-old fixed a home-made sign to show cow Rosie – and partner Angela Olano said yes. “Now she even wants a cow wedding cake,” said Mr Hill, from Bracknell, Berkshire.
Nasty surprise from the skies
A couple enjoying a drink on their patio got a disgusting surprise after a jet flew over them. Artie Hughes and his wife were taking advantage of a warm evening when they, their garden table and their barbecue were suddenly ‘pelted’ by a black liquid. Mr Hughes, whose home in Malverne, New York, is close to John F Kennedy airport, said: “A plane was coming over. Next thing you know my wife says, ‘Oh my God it’s raining.’ I said, ‘No it’s not.’”
Cups and robbers
A masked robber who held up a newsagent’s shop was so casual that he clutched a cup of coffee throughout the raid. A neighbour of the shop in Wythenshawe, Manchester, complained: “It’s just typical of the way robbers behave these days.”
Kamil Geremek is facing a £1,000 fine after riding a horse through the city of Pisz, Poland, while over the drink-drive limit. The 28-year-old told officers he had got lost trying to deliver the animal. “It had taken him two hours to travel 6km,” said a police spokesman.
A judge in India has ordered a group of joggers to stop gathering around a pond in Mumbai each day at 7am for two hours of loud “therapeutic” laughter. The judge ruled that the laughter was causing “mental agony” to the man whose house overlooks the pond.
When a woman heard loud shouts from the next-door basement at 5am, she feared her neighbour was being attacked and called police. Officers raced to the house in Victoria, British Columbia, but found no cause for alarm. Deputy police chief John Ducker explained: “When questioned about the amount of noise he was making, the man explained he had been on the lavatory but was done now. The officers asked him to keep the noise down in such future endeavours. He said he would do his best.”
Give me my degree back
A mugger who stole a graduate’s diploma when he snatched her bag returned it after she begged for it back. The thief responded to Xiao Liu’s plea after the 24-year-old from Zhanjiang texted her own phone – also in the bag.
A cut above the rest
A butcher has insured his taste buds for £1 million. Keith Fisher has distinguished 50,000 cuts and cures of pork in a career spanning more than four decades. The 61-year-old, from Leighton Buzzard, Bedfordshire, said taste was ‘critically important’.
Barred by bank for being right
When Ricky Kasabi phoned his bank about his credit card, he knew he’d be asked security questions. He duly told call centre staff at Santander Bank his month of birth and was asked his house number. But when Mr Kasabi replied, ‘eight’, he was told he was wrong and was frozen out of his account – even though he lives at that number on his street in north London. The next day the conversation ended when he gave the same answer. It was only when Mr Kasabi, 51, went to his branch with his passport that he was told why he had failed the question. They said he lives at ‘0,8’. Mr Kasabi was told that to pay off his credit card he must go to a branch and pay with cash or a cheque so he has decided to close his account.
Kevin Winson’s time in hairdresser Darren Greenfield’s chair was cut short when his mobile phone was stolen. The pair chased Isaia Stoian in Kettering, Northamptonshire – with Mr Winson still wearing his barber’s cape. Stoian, 18, of Ilford, Essex, was jailed for 26 weeks for theft.
The country life
Stressed-out workers are flocking to a course that teaches them how to be sheepdogs. They pick up teamwork skills from salesman-turned-shepherd Chris Farnsworth, who runs his ‘Raising the Baa’ course in Wiltshire. Wife Caroline said: “We call it our Open Ewe-niversity.”
A loved-up duo got each other’s names tattooed – then split up just 14 days later. Maggy Brewer, 17, and Sean Broad, 21, has been together a week when they got inked in Winchester, Hampshire. Maggy, who has since had her tattoo turned into a butterfly, said: “My dad told me I was an idiot.”
Police were called to a bar after a mass brawl – at more than 2,000m (6,560ft). Officers arrived to find the fight had started on Axamer Lizum after revellers were asked to leave at closing time.
No overfishing please
An angler has been kicked out of his club – for catching too many fish. Paul Kiely won half the matches at Rolleston Angling Club, in Staffordshire. “I was told I was too successful,” said the 39-year-old.
A scuba diver tried to smuggle 6,000 illegal cigarettes from Ukraine to Romania. He was arrested after emerging from a river in Sighetu Marmatiei, just inside Romania, with the tobacco worth £12,000.
A shop assistant has developed a romantic attachment to the Statue of Liberty (even though the statue never writes, never phones). Amanda Whittaker, 27, who is attracted to inanimate objects and once had a crush on a drum kit, calls the statue ‘Libby’ and felt the first stirrings of romance when a friend posted a picture of Liberty online. “I am blown away by how stunning she is,” said Whittaker, from Leeds. “Other people might be shocked to think I can have romantic feelings for an object, but I am not the same as them.”
Dead grandmother feels better
A frail grandmother has astonished neighbours by climbing out of her coffin six days after she apparently died. Li Xiufeng, 95, was laid in her coffin after being found ‘dead’ in bed by a neighbour in the village of Liulou, Guangxi province. But the day before the funeral, visitors discovered the coffin was empty. They found Li in her kitchen, making herself a snack. She told them: “I slept for a long time. After waking up, I felt so hungry, and wanted to cook something to eat. I pushed the lid for a long time to climb out.”
Budgie sings to police
A lost budgerigar has been returned to its owner after reciting its full name and address to a police officer. The bird escaped from a house in Yokohama, Japan, and came to land on the shoulder of a guest at a nearby hotel. It was taken to a police station where, two days later, it chirruped its home address. A police spokesman said: “We had not expected his owner to be identified in this manner.”
Loo must be joking
Police are baffled by the sudden appearance of a portable lavatory in the middle of a busy street. Officers in Cluj-Napoca, Romania, were called to see if anybody was trapped inside the plastic structure. “No one knows how it got there – whether it was put there for a joke or fell off the back of a lorry,” said police.
Just making a withdrawal?
Two employees at a German bank are facing disciplinary action after being caught having sex on a desk. Managers at the Helaba bank in Frankfurt are reportedly furious that the couple, a banker and his secretary, had not “clocked out” and so were making love in company time, Bild newspaper reported.
Naked breach of safety laws
Police stopped a motorbike with a naked woman riding pillion in Constanta, Romania, and booked her for failing to wear a helmet. A witness said: “The officer gave her a warning and a ticket and told them to ride on.” So she put on a helmet, and nothing else, and the bike sped off.
London lad, loving life and all that it has to offer.